Absent Minded Muser

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Happy Birthday reflections~

on November 5, 2010

So, I’m 20 now. That’s 20 years of memories. Plenty to reflect upon ya? Well, I’ll begin by saying, thank you to all my glorious friends who wished me a happy birthday! I love you all so much~ God has blessed me to live for 20 years, which is amazingly long and sometimes short. I still remember when I was 9 thinking; “When I’m twenty, I’ll be a writer and I’ll be famous!! I’ll have done amazing things.” If only our childhood selves could see how little we actually did through those years dividing us. I also thought I would be married by 21…HAHA what was I thinking right? I still have so much I want to do. Those funny little day-dreams I had as a child make me snort and shake my head. I was ambitious in thought but not in the body. I never put those ambitions into play, I think its time I finally did.

Being twenty hasn’t really changed me, not yet anyway, I don’t feel anymore responsible than I did before. But I do feel the weight of teenagerism wearing away. I don’t want to be a cranky old adult! I want to stay hyper and happy. Only recently, though did I realize I was sulking through life, living under a dark blanket and pretending I was doing something.  Well, hopefully with a lot of practice and struggle, I’ll become more able to serve God.

My skills have increased, God has given me a glorious gift of art, I know this because I recently painted silouhettes on a cake and they came out beautifully. Though there are some things I would do differently, I’m happy with how it looks. I really want to make a Sana cake now. Less… ness though. Only her face and the tiny body I think.

Oh yes, its a Durarara!! Cake…for those of you who are clueless;

Probably doesn’t help. Another thing, when I was a kid I never expected to like Asian things, in fact I liked Asian things before I even realized what they were. We had many Asian neighbors, they were always the sweetest! I remember getting candy from them and how they smiled at me. When I was 13/14 I got into one of the webcomics done by a girl I still watch on dA; Modesty. It was so cool, I was blown away, I started looking into other webcomics and came across many good ones. My very first manga was Fruits Basket, my very first Anime was Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokemon. I wasn’t fond of Pokemon, but I loved Yu-Gi-Oh. I was so in love with it before it became a full-blown fad. It was hard to even find Fruits Basket. I first bought that book when I was 14, going on 15.  I remember how gleeful I was when I pranced from that bookstore.

I’m still gleeful when I get my hands on a book/manga/manwha I want. Its an amazing feeling to hold that in your hands. And I still love it so much! I’m a six year veteran now.  I wouldn’t change anything, I’ve learned so much through the things that I went through, I can now think clearly and differently, I can make decisions even if they are wrong and then right them.

I remember feeling lost on my first day of High School, and I was lost the rest of my time there. I really don’t know what drove me to drop out, but I think it was the way I was feeling… I felt like was becoming something/someone I didn’t want to be. I started cursing a lot more and having more anger problems than before. It was almost like the school was feeding my need to be angry at everything and I shudder to think what I would have become if I had stayed in that place.

Things are better now though and God willing, they will stay that way.

Anyway…

To me…

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