Absent Minded Muser

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Talking to God

on July 22, 2011

I do that a lot. Talk to God. He’s really the only being who knows me in, and out. He knows all my darkness and all my light. If I have any. Only He would know. Because I can’t see myself clearly, or even blurry. In fact, it’s been a real struggle to even see myself through that fogged up glass that sits before my soul. I peek, peer, and lean around trying to see beyond the edges, but blackness greets me every time I try.

Most of the time, I don’t ever come to sit in front of that smoggy mirror. I just walk around it, pretending it’s not there. And not acknowledging my weakness or flaws.

But God always grants me small amounts of hope, even if I don’t feel attractive, or even smart, He shows me, I’m more than I ever thought I could be. And I delight in His glory, while singing Him praises in the meadow of His mercy.

He grants me healing in the darkness of my storms. I often surround myself with walls and tornadoes to keep myself from being hurt. I open my heart for few people and when I do, it’s unwittingly. I feel weak, awkward and stupid when I do it. Which is why I usually turn to God.

Sometimes, I forget to talk to God. And I feel lonely when I don’t. He shouldn’t be at the back of my mind, but at the front, the first person I’d ever talk to if my world caved in. He is the only one who can comfort me the way I need to be comforted. He strokes my hair, and whispers in my ear; “Fear not, for I am with you.”

I feel foolish sometimes, even when I talk to Jesus, my pains seem so small and silly compared to what He went through for me. But I tell Him my issues anyway, and I feel better afterward.

Have you spoken to God lately? Do you feel His comforting presence in your life?

I do. Almost all the time. I feel Him close to me. Especially when I’m sad or when I’m extremely joyful, and even on the days I’m simply content. Jesus is my Lord and Savior, God is my Heavenly Father, and I am blessed to have them in my life.

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