Absent Minded Muser

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Fighting the Fears

on March 12, 2012

I was thinking about what to write here earlier this week.  I thought about it all through the weekend, and even dreamed about what I would write here.  All the ideas I had are gone, and replaced by an idea that I received while reading Ambersand Photography‘s blog, about facing my fears.

I sat at my computer this weekend, working on a piece of art, I began to think: “Who really cares about this? I’m not doing anyone any good with my art and I’m certainly not earning any money from it!” I felt like a bum, a horrible, lazy bum.

I get that feeling a lot.  I am attacked by the thoughts of being “not good enough”, the fears of not being “able to”.  These fears send me into a depression whirlwind and it doesn’t stop until I find my way out of it. That doesn’t mean it goes away, that fear will linger in the back of my mind until I’m at my weakest and then it will attack again.

I’m sick of being ruled by my fears.  Aren’t you?  I’m sick of the fears telling me I’m not good enough, I’m tired of waking up and wondering where I am going in life.  I’m also sick of fearing I will never be who God wants me to be.  I am making a resolution, to fight fear and not let it hold me.  It’s not worth the pain I go through, it’s not worth the self-doubt, it’s just not worth it at all.

I am an adult, I may not be what people expected me to be, they may not even be proud of me, but you know what? I don’t care.  I don’t need others to think I’m good enough, because I know that God, my father in heaven, is proud of me.  He is helping me battle the fears, and you can do it as well.

You have nothing to fear when you have Jesus Christ on your side.  You can cross mountains and break through brick-walls.  You are strong, beautiful, wonderful and independent.

I confess, I fear ruining my life; never being good enough.  I fear my image, who I am, how I look.  I fear I will never do anything right in life.  I fear God will kick me to the curb and tell me He has had enough, that is what I fear more than anything, is disappointing God.

Like I said above, I am resolving right now to quit fearing and start believing.  It’s not going to be easy, I know I will be fighting fears of other sorts, but I want to believe and stop fearing.  I may not be perfect, beautiful or even brilliant, but God gave me a talent and I need to delight in Him.

I know we are all afraid, and it’s a hard battle to win.  To tell you the truth, even as I am writing this blog, I feel like… no one really cares about what I have to say, that I’m just am amateur blogger whose words aren’t nearly as inspiring as she hopes they will be.

I am not perfect, and I don’t really know how to write a blog post “properly”, if there is even a proper way (aside from using proper grammar, which I fail at.) But you know what? Even if no one is really reading this, at least I know I tried, right?

I’m going to kick my fears in the face (thank you, Sarah), and begin believing.  I’m hopeful for me future, and you should be to.

Tell me, if you want to, what fears have governed your life? What makes you believe you aren’t worth it?

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