Absent Minded Muser

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Facing the Day

on March 14, 2012

Not all sins are visible, some wounds, no one can see.

How hard it is to face the day when we know what we have done.  Whatever sin we have committed holds to us like glue and refuses to let go.   Our hearts ache as we realize we can never take back what we have done.  Maybe we feel ill, or we cry ourselves to sleep.

Maybe we choose to forget it, brushing it aside.  But it will never truly be gone.  The pain from that mistake stays with us, unless we ask God to forgive us.

I know the pain of making a sinful error.  It’s a deep wound that often likes to flash itself at me when I am at my weakest.  I haven’t defeated this deep-rooted sin that lurks behind every vulnerable corner of my soul, how I despise it.  I hate it so much, yet I can’t ever seem to get away from it.

It leaves me hurting and broken.

I’m sick of feeling broken.

Sick of crying myself to sleep after making this mistake, over and over again.

Why do we torment ourselves with these sins?

We are human, we will all make mistakes.  But, I want to be free.  Free of all the sin that holds my heart, I know I can’t ever truly be free until I fight it off.  It’s like an addiction, it will take years to cure.  Years of hard work, years of battling off the sin.  It’s going to be hard, but I want it more than anything.  I want to be free.

I am dedicating an hour a day to Bible reading now.  I don’t want to suffer anymore.  I don’t want to feel this pain.  I want to only feel God’s Joy, and though I may suffer from other sins, this one is the biggest one in my life.  I will be free of it and I will do it through God’s strength.

I had to express this here today.  I am battling a hard battle.  We cannot battle these sins alone, only through God.

If you have a sin you are battling, post below and I will add you to my prayer list.  I want to pray for you and help you through this hard time.  I know what it is like to feel utterly alone.


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