Absent Minded Muser

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I feel as if it’s time…

on May 30, 2012

For a while now,  I’ve been asking myself; “What now?”

My job has sort’ve dead-ended me.  There is literally no way to move forward here.

I love my job, don’t get me wrong.  I love all my co-workers and everything I do.  However, I feel as if there is something else…something more, that I am being called to.

“Sometimes…you just know.”

I heard those words a while ago, and I felt as if it were true.

It’s time for me to move on.  But to what?

The fear of not having money to pay bills, to buy food, to pay for my car, etc., beats into me as I consider that fact.  There are so many things that are telling me; “NO! That’s a bad idea.” And I continue in this loop, never knowing when I’ll get out.

Sometimes, it only takes a few seconds of courage to make the right decision.

But then, what happens if you think you are right, and end up wrong?

How do we cope with it?

I know God is with me no matter what.  That’s exactly the reason I need to make sure that this is what He wants for me, not what I want for me.

The feeling of needing to move has grown stronger in my soul.  A desperate writhing of grit and anger, of need.  Need for something different. For something new.

How do I face that fear? How do I challenge it? How do I know I am right?

This is going to take a lot of praying, cookies and a sister-to-sister chat.  Because my older sister is relying on me.  My whole family will go ballistic if I quit my job.  What if it’s the right choice, and no one else sees it but me?

What if it’s the wrong choice, and I fooled myself into believing?

I am strangled by the ‘what ifs’, I’m suffocating in the unknown.  I need to find my way out, and KNOW that it is time to go.


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