Absent Minded Muser

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137 days of exercise on hold: Resolve?

on February 6, 2013

I’m not afraid to admit a lot of stuff about myself, I’m definitely not afraid to tell you that I have a very weak will when it comes to food. 

So as you know, I’m recovering from being ill.  I still have an infuriating cough which forces me to be a lot louder in the office than I wish and it keeps me from returning to my exercise. Why? You might ask, because even just jogging up from the basement after putting a load in the wash sent my lungs into a frenzy – coughing, hacking, it was awful.  And one hour later, I was able to stand up without coughing my brains out.

For some reason, while I was sick, I didn’t have much of an appetite.  This is unusual for me because I am normally always hungry when sick.  The problem arrives (most days) when I try to restrain myself from food – bad food. 

I explained to my sister that if I don’t set ridiculously high standards, I don’t get anything done.  But those high standards are killing me.  Two weeks of exercise felt like a month! Or longer.  I just wasn’t that motivated to be exercising every single day of the week save for Sunday (even though I was.)  It was emotionally terrifying and brutal to my image, every day I would rip myself to pieces if I didn’t exercise.  The only time I felt good about myself was when I was on the elliptical.

That is messed up.  No matter how I look at it, so messed up.  Shouldn’t I feel good on and off the elliptical? I thought I would.

Back to what my sister was suggesting; “smaller goals”.  Yes, I would love smaller goals, it would mean less stress on my brain and body.  However, I’m afraid because the goals are small, I’ll simply brush them aside like I do everything else that is small, (I think we’ve established already that my resolve is extremely weak) and that’s why I’m not sure it would work.

I don’t want to give up, what good would that do me? I need to find a way that works for me, so that I’m not constantly depressed when doing what is good for me.  For some odd reason, I’ve fallen out of reading my Bible religiously.  Used to be that I couldn’t go to bed without reading it, now I don’t even care if I sleep without reading it. 

What is happening here?

I think I know the answer… Exercising has become priority, my Bible reading has been kicked to the lower shelf. 

Now, how can I fix that?

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